FOX News host Jesse Watters shares how Thanksgiving with his family went on “Jesse Watters Primetime.”
JESSE WATTERS: When you think of Thanksgiving, you think of family, food and football. You usually don’t think of injuries.
SCENE FROM THE LITTLE FOCKERS
But there were several injuries during this year’s Watter’s Thanksgiving weekend some physical, some emotional. More on that later. But I have a new appreciation for housewives. What do we call them now? Stay-at-home moms. I want to be politically correct because I took Wednesday off to be a stay-at-home mom and I almost didn’t make it. The stereotype is you’re popping bonbons on the couch watching soaps. But that’s not true, and it’s insulting. Although I did catch a minute of the soap opera on Wednesday. And the actors and actresses aren’t as telegenic as they used to be. Soaps used to launch your career, like [George] Clooney was in soaps. I guess now, if you’re good-looking enough, you don’t do soap, you just point your phone at yourself and you become a star without leaving your house. But being a stay-at-home mom or dad, you have to be organized. So I made a to-do list. Best to-do list in my life. I’m actually mad because I crossed everything off on it on my phone and now I can’t see how much I accomplished. I should have had a hard copy and I should have organized the list geographically based on where I was going instead of just haphazardly because I bit off more than I could chew.
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So I do errands all day. I didn’t really consider errands exercise, so I decided to go for a run. I get back to the house at 4:30, and since I hadn’t organized my to-do list geographically, I hadn’t hit the car wash. So I checked to see what time the car wash closes, says 5 p.m. I think great. I’m only 15 minutes away. So I get there at 4:45. But when I get there, there’s a big orange cone blocking the lane. They say they’re closed. Now, if you advertise that you close at 5, but you really close it for 4:45, you should advertise that you close at 4:45. I know what you’re doing. You’re closing at 4:45 so you and your employees can go home by 5. Well, do you run the car wash for the employees or for the customers? Because the customers need to know when you close.
So I go back with an unwashed car and shin splints from being on my feet all day and trying to squeeze in a run. But I can’t complain because I’ve been reading these self-help books and all the self-help books tell me men shouldn’t complain. So I zip it. And of course, I can’t complain because, you know, Emma’s on her feet all day, seven days a week. And then more injuries. My twins and their cousins start playing Monopoly and Monopoly has this new card. It’s either in chance or community chest. It’s the same thing. Actually, what is the difference between chance and community chess? Is there a thematic difference between the two stacks? Can’t figure it out. Anyway, it’s called a bank run or something.
A Monopoly game is seen during the Monopoly U.S. National Championship tournament at Union Station April 15, 2009 in Washington, DC. ((Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images))
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You take all the $100 bills in the bank and just throw them up in the air, and then you get to keep all the bills you can catch before they hit the ground. It’s like a strip club, but it’s kid friendly. So they launched the bills up in the air and Ellie low bridges her sister, takes her knees out while she’s in the air. She comes crashing down, Sofie’s on the ground. Bodies are piling up. That card is too dangerous. Monopoly. When did Monopoly get physical? I might try to ban that card even though it’s the most exciting. I might ban it.
