Though it’s not a novel concept, I’m committed to making this truth my personal PSA: You are always free to change your mind. It’s a truth that took me well into my 30s to learn. (It wasn’t until my 40s that I truly embraced it with confidence.) Here I am at the ripe age of 42 reminding you all what a gift it is to not be bound to an idea, decision, or thought, and let yourself have the freedom of choice.
But wait, how did we get here? I’m so glad you asked.
Featured image from our interview with Nitsa Citrine.
5 Reasons Why You Should Free Yourself to Change Your Mind
Earlier this summer, I was in desperate need of a vacation. What’s more, I was craving time spent with friends. A lot of life hit me at once and I needed my support crew and time outside of Austin. My friend swooped in and invited me to join her family on vacation on the East Coast. It was exactly what I needed.
Until it wasn’t. About a month passed, and even more life happened. By the time the trip rolled around, I couldn’t bring myself to go. It wasn’t what I needed—and in fact, I needed the opposite. I craved alone time with not another person in sight. I couldn’t spend any time on a plane, in a car, or with any other human other than myself.
I was beside myself when I hit this realization. Here I had committed to a trip, invited by a friend I adore, and with money invested in a flight. More importantly, I gave my word I’d be there. I didn’t want to appear unreliable or like a flake. So what did I do? I called my friend and said I wouldn’t make it after all.
Thankfully, this is a very understanding friend who gets that life happens and things change. This was also a low-risk cancellation. No definitive plans beyond the trip itself had been set in stone. My friend made it very easy for me to ask for what I needed, speak my truth, and take care of myself. It was a beautiful reminder that I had the freedom to change my mind.
This concept—again, not new nor groundbreaking—feels like the most authentic way of living. Here’s why.
To Be Honest With Yourself
Imagine if we all navigated life with a one-track mind and thought, “I said this (insert whatever statement you’d like here), so I must live like this forever.” Scary.
When we know better, we do better. And ultimately, we learn to make better choices for ourselves.
To Allow for Second Chances
Maybe someone’s behavior rubbed you the wrong way and you swore them off. Perhaps they supported something you can’t get behind. Or maybe someone was going through a tough time and didn’t have the tools to process. But, with all of this, what if they’ve changed? What if they’ve done the work on themselves and came out the other side, better? Allowing yourself the freedom to change your mind about someone or a situation allows us to all be human and be afforded the opportunity to grow.
*Readers, it goes without saying but there will always be exceptions to this. You get to decide your threshold.
To Encourage Others to Speak Their Truth
Have you ever been in a group setting where you felt like if you went against group think or a shared opinion, you’d be judged in some way? If so, first of all, sorry you felt like that. I can relate. Thankfully, I don’t have a group of friends that wouldn’t encourage a different pov, but I have been in social settings where I haven’t felt as comfortable sharing a differing view. Trust me, I know how isolating that can feel.
By contrast, I’ve been in some beautiful conversations where it took one person sharing a totally different take and I saw the ripple of others feeling more confident to speak up. Sometimes it just takes one person. Why not be that person yourself?
I’ve also been in conversations where there’s one person who wants to be the contrarian for the sake of stoking the fire. Remember, you don’t have to engage in every conversation with someone who wants to argue.
To Do What’s Right For You—And You Alone
Five months ago, I cut alcohol out of my life. This was supposed to be a 30-day elimination, but I ended up feeling so good, I kept going. I loved how I was feeling, I wrote an entire article about giving up alcohol. I’ve been talking about it on social media quite a bit, too.
Will I come back to alcohol? I’m not sure. Maybe. Maybe—ah, one of the best gifts you can say to yourself!
If I had to guess, I could see myself coming back to it when the time felt right or when there’s a special occasion where I want to enjoy a drink. But that decision will be made by me and only me, not anyone else, and certainly not what anyone on social media or elsewhere thinks.
Now my mindset is this: I do what is right for me and my life.
There’s a former version of myself where I might be afraid to, say, go back to alcohol after making such a declaration. “What will people think? Am I a failure because I put it out there and now I’m back? Have I let people down? Am I letting myself down?” Any number of thoughts like that would flood my mind. Now my mindset is this: I do what is right for me and my life. I welcome feedback from close friends who are intimate with my life and have general concern, but I ultimately decide what is best for me.
I don’t know about you, but I find it so refreshing to be around people who allow themselves the freedom and flexibility in life to change based on what they need.
To Step Into the Life of Your Dreams
The more I allow myself the flexibility to change my mind, the more I realize I’m slowly moving away from expectations and people-pleasing. What a gift!
Throughout this year, I’ve experienced a few losses that have made the fragility of life so present and front of mind. The idea that we only get one life, so why not life the most authentic and honest version of it, replays in my mind. Leaving space for shifting my mindset, being wrong, being challenged to see myself or what I thought I wanted differently, has all led to an expansive life. It has also brought me closer to living the life I want.
I recently made a career pivot into an entirely new field of work. It was something I hadn’t planned on, but I knew I needed a change. For years I thought I was moving in one direction until I ultimately got real, had my perspective shift thanks to a former colleague, remained open to that idea, and left to pursue a new job. Had I not allowed myself the ability to change directions, I’d be further from my goals.
One shift, but all the freedom to move me closer to where I want to go. I can’t wait to see how this mindset moves me even more. I hope it offers the same opportunities for growth for you.
