I Lost the Remote and Watched This Is Poly – I Wouldn’t Wish That on Anyone

It’s early, but misplacing the remote and begrudgingly tuning into We TV’s This Is Poly will likely be my most regrettable choice this month.

This is precisely what happens when laziness and a hint of curiosity become full-blown self-sabotage, and no, I’m not talking about the people on the show; I’m referring to myself.

Trash reality television isn’t outside my purview, especially in the summer, but This is Poly is just so bad.

Before anyone assumes my issue is just not understanding We TV’s addictive-but-trashy reality format, know I only landed on this series because I was previously (and less begrudgingly) watching Love After Lockup.

Is that a hot mess of a series as well? Absolutely.

But let’s digress, shall we?

This Is Poly feels like We TV’s attempt at TLC’s Seeking Sister Wives, suffering from the same issues but missing the addictive pull that makes that and the 90 Day Fiance franchise oddly watchable.

This is Poly is just not good, not even close.

Everyone in it is nearly insufferable, fitting into cringe-worthy archetypes.

The show is so toxic, I wanted to launch myself into the sun after watching it. Or, you know, locate that tiny little remote.

The problem with reality series that attempt to explore a non-traditional lifestyle is that it ultimately results in a feeling of exploitation and mockery more than anything else.

Regardless of how anyone feels about polyamory or whether or not it’s something that suits them, it is a legitimate lifestyle and one that comes with its own culture, with rules, complications, and complexity, and more.

Polyamory centers on open communication, equality, honesty, and effort to meet everyone’s needs.

But This Is Poly is a compilation of the worst stigmas and relationship “Don’ts,” where only toxicity thrives.

Every relationship on this show is a therapist’s worst nightmare.

Each of them embodies every negative stigma about polyamory, creating a show that feels like a circus.

The Yahweh family set every fiber of my body on edge. In many ways, it taps into the problematic elements that garner scrutiny about religious-based polygamy.

Somehow, we’re to look at a man who refers to himself as “Yahweh Poetic” and his four different wives and their 17 and counting children, and NOT recoil from all the misogynistic, submissive woman vibes radiating from that whole situation.

For all the claims of a non-traditional lifestyle, this execution still feels archaic.

Polyamory, for them, feels like the stereotypical actions of a man who calls himself “king” who wants to feed his ego.

Remove all the “shock,” and it’s boring in its mediocrity and predictability.

Next are BQ and Tehmeena, showing everything wrong with entering polyamory for the wrong reasons.

Essentially, their entire relationship is just rooted in him being a serial cheater, and her basically agreeing to polyamory so that his canoodling can at least be out in the open.

Of course, he still cheats, so it’s a mess. Her choice isn’t conscious; she’s just cornered because, for reasons I can’t fathom, she won’t leave.

Ethical polyamory means partners agree on rules and ensure everyone is on the same page. It’s not a free pass to sleep with anyone, whether or not your partner agrees.

But who cares about any of that, right?

Similarly, the dynamic between Becca, Jacob, and Davis presents another set of issues.

They already present as every archetype of edgy liberalism that someone, somewhere, is whining about in a comment section. They’re tatted up, have piercings, and everyone has bright colored hair for some reason.

Becca comes across as selfish, self-absorbed, and aloof, completely oblivious or just flat-out not wanting to see that her husband, Jacob, is NOT down for this throuple he’s found himself in with the arrogant, manipulative Davis, who basically wants Becca to himself.

Somehow, Jacob ended up third-wheeling in his own marriage, and I genuinely don’t know who is emasculating him more: Becca or Davis.

This Is Poly implies jealousy is natural in polyamory, but Jacob’s situation is beyond jealousy, given how the other two treat him.

And worse yet, the three of them also work together, running a tattoo shop.

Watching their interactions was uncomfortable, and seeing it used as entertainment made it worse.

Meanwhile, whatever is going on with Kami, Trent, and Nita takes things in a completely different direction.

They’re easily the most distracting trio, and the most gimmicky, with costumes, and kink talk, and their new lifestyle feels less like a legitimate lifestyle and more like a “choose your own adventure” of hedonism that has them rebelling against their upbringing.

Somehow, Trent scores not one but two Rachel Dolezal knockoffs who felt reminiscent of caricatures from an In Living Color Skit, and we certainly can’t say that man doesn’t have a type.

The ick factor stems from clear power imbalances — Trent and Kami call the shots, while Nita keeps bending to their rules.

However, it’s oddly such a switch-up from their Love after Lockup shenanigans that it’s hard to tell what’s real and what isn’t.

Kami claims she isn’t part of the LGBTQ community, even though she and Nita have been together, and Nita mostly likes women more than men, but she’s mostly stuck sleeping with Trent, except when they orchestrate random date nights with sex buddies once a month.

They call them “Solo Adventures.” Indeed, very gimmicky, and it also seemed to reveal just how NOT on the same page everyone is.

Listen, I won’t pretend to understand whatever is going on under that roof, but frankly, it didn’t need a camera shining a spotlight on it.

It just seems sad, unhealthy, and toxic.

On the brighter side, Marley and Bri are the only relationship on this mess of a show that even remotely fits the standard reality TV drama template.

They bring the drama and conflict. The two constantly arguing over Marley still being married to her ex-husband while they search for a new woman, or a herem, I honestly couldn’t tell,  is peak reality drama.

Just as toxic, still an absurd depiction of polyamory as this hypersexual, hot mess.

But it at least feels a bit authentic. Given the bar was in hell for this series to begin with, that’s not saying much.

Overall, though, This Is Poly isn’t even entertainingly bad; it’s just … bad. The type of show that left me feeling like I lost precious brain cells and was desperate to reclaim my time.

It left me wishing I had found the remote sooner. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but I had to share the error of my ways with someone, so thanks for reading.

And, by all means, sound off if you’ve tuned into this, too. What are your thoughts?

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