Let’s say you’re right on the edge of coming. Now back off a sec. Can you slow down? Can you extend that pleasure? And when you come back toward orgasm: Do you notice anything different?

That’s edging, or the stop-and-start technique. And it’s a tool sex therapists use to enhance pleasure.

Clinical sexologist Amanda Pasciucco says edging is all about riding the wave of arousal and building and rebuilding sexual tension. It resembles tantric sex: Edging is about enjoying the present pleasure rather than rushing to orgasm.

Edging works by engaging the parasympathetic nervous system, which creates a more intense orgasm when you finally allow yourself to finish. It has to do with the anatomy of arousal. “Letting the blood flow circulate into the genitals and letting that come back into the body creates an embodied, sensational experience,” Pasciucco says.

Sex educator Taylor Sparks often recommends edging to couples. She says the practice encourages partners to engage and pay attention to each other throughout the entire experience of sex. “You get to watch what pleases your partner,” she says.

Bringing yourself (or your partner) to the edge of orgasm can be used as a form of control play, too. Like certain BDSM techniques, edging plays on the psychological thrill of wanting something you can’t have. “It’s the anticipation. You’re so close to having that oh mighty O, you’re almost there, but then it’s like, wait,” Sparks says.

Edging can also help people seeking better control over ejaculation, including premature ejaculation. Both Pasciucco and Sparks say that when people practice edging regularly, their bodies adjust to holding an erection longer.